How the f*** I feel in general my whole life and why people are in your life

okay I'm saying this for the unicorn on my head so obviously it's sarcasm 😂 now I paid for this space and I am not using any kind of like other website to ramble about myself so the only thing that if you enjoy reading my stuff then show some appreciation because I do work for free bye seeing if you're interested in any of the advertisements that are here. everything in the world is sold through advertisements and are free TV shows are paid for by then. I never understood this concept but I do now. So if you love or hate me maybe read a little bit about who sponsors me and check them out and see if they have any products you might like. They are tailored towards my content which is why I chose Google for this.
 observed with people and interactions and the general sense that I get. For example with people I know in general that if I meet somebody and form some kind of bond or amazingfamazing or whatever I know that 99 percent  of the time it's temporary. Its meant to be a special memory for both of us. I understand this the problem is a lot of people don't and don't realize that there's 24 hours in a day eight of them people are supposed to be working or doing something are doctors appointments or therapy or education. Then there's a couple hours of having to wind down after work. They're you're up to 10 hours then you have to sleep 8 hours. That leaves six hours which travel time of spending any time with someone that you care about.

 This article will explain a little bit why someone might not have friends.https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/18/why-dont-i-have-any-friends-google-answerThink about this. I  already know this I am careful about who I talk to because temporary people can destroy the relationships with  people you actually want around and are genuinely good. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/20/nurture-four-friendships-facebook-social-network this article States so much that it's true we really can only handle for friends that we can count on. if you have four friends that you can count on then you are lucky. I always tell my friends that they need to memorize phone numbers in case they need to be bailed out of jail. I've asked and I know the numbers of the people that I care about and they are shocked. I tell them you know I grew up in a generation as the day where I had to memorize phone numbers. Why would I go through contacts? You should know your friends numbers it shows them that you love and care about them.if one of my friends goes to jail I am the best person to have in your life. You will get money every week, cards weekly and gifts occasionally. If you are someone that I'm really close to. if I have feelings for you then you are golden. LOL so no fear  going to jail if I feel some kind of way about you LOL.

They will plant ideas in your head, cause doubt and chaotic events. This is human nature at it's worst, but it doesn't make them evil. there are a lot of reasons so we might do this it might be to protect you from things that you don't understand, they may have ideas that they would be a better person for you to be around oh, they may have insane jealousy towards that person which is actually not insane we are all predisposed to having jealous tendencies.

 The thing is I would rather show any part of myself rather than show that I'm jealous. I hate anyone knowing that. I don't know why I get jealous of certain people I mean it's strange girls that I've been jealous of usually and I'm not sure why guys have chosen to spend time with them they usually are not as aesthetically pleasing, (least important) have personalities that are like a rock, are known sluts, and use men for their own purposes to acquire more resources and objects. I wonder if it's because they are needier than I am? I have been told that guys have that innate nature to needs to be needed. I try to give off like I don't need them at all. I provide I think I might emasculate them to a bit. A girl that doesn't take care of herself, a guy doesn't have to be insecure. And chunky girls supposedly give good head. I was chunky 6 months ago. I lost 50 lb since2018 and that was like weights that I put on from gabapentin and I have seen friends of mine be on a similar medications and try to tell them That is what is wrong and that I worry about their lifestyle choices and their health not because I care what they look like because taking that pill is causing them health problems and that means more meds, ones for blood pressure, heart issues, other issues pain and omg I hurt all the time being 175. it was in all sorts of pain and had to take more medication just to handle the pain and the depression. I try to explain this that they will not need these medicines if they just lose the weight and need less medications! Been there girlfriends wish you'd listen! you don't get it you can be 300 pounds and I'm going to love you just the same it's worrying about something happening to you is what bothers me. That is my issue with anyone who is overweight and has that problem because of medication and doctors just don't seem to care. Nobody can have that discussion that I'm willing to have with people. 

 value friendship moretmore  boyfriend. Nobody will ever know because I'm not going to sit around and talk about my feelings for somebody. I've made that mistake before and it causes a lot of drama and unnecessary arguments and jealousy over resources and just ridiculousness. And to be honest I don't know what I feel. Or how to explain it and cant. I have to be asked direct answers in order to give them. I have always had that
if I do feel something for somebody it definitely dissipates the more females that hang out with them. That is for my last relationship I cannot deal with competition for attention. I just don't want it.
I do know who is obviously below and above me in the market value categories. I know my baggage.  

Friendships are Interesting

 Friendships are something that are so unpredictable in how long it will last and how deep they will get.I don't take it personally that these friendships don't last and if I wanted them to I would put more effort into it. There just isn't enough effort and time in the world 2 be the most popular person on the planetIt's natural course of life. Reason season lifetime. People will pop up to help you for a specific reason and purpose, it could be good or bad. But once that told is done they are as well.  I always used to use the word friends a lot and my mom said that's not your friend an acquaintance and she repeated to me until I was 30 years old and finally understood the difference. A season would be what most "friendships" are, they last anywhere from my first meeting to a few weeks to a few months but or not really going to last and a lot of people don't understand the concept that you honestly cannot have that many friendships and maintain a relationship with your family and pets and a job and alone time and that's  they take a lot of work to maintain Were not meant to as humans to have the social patterns that we have now in the last 20 years. So it changes the Dynamics of everything and it causes more issues drama an increase in violence and STDs and all sorts of shady things. 

 People like shiny new friends to play with in general, there's nothing wrong with that as long as you understand how it affects your whole life in general. I know that when I go hangout with someone it's going to affect my life. This person could mooch me out of all the resources I have with tactics of feeling sorry for them, promises, or by bring a past friend connection. I know  going to affect my relationship with my mother. I know it's going to cause a moderate amount of drama. Now my part of that is I have caused her a great deal of anguish and stress and money by hang outing out with people who end up impacting her life. Now I get that concept completely finally. A pandemic which I do track closely lol. that has really shown me how ignorant people can be. It can show me how ignorant I can be I'm a person too. I'm not perfect I'm not even close to it. I can be toxic to some and good to others just like everyone. 

I feel people  have a replaceable attitude on other ppl. Like if I'm annoyed with my mom bff or sister I don't go get another one. I'm lucky to have a bff , I don't go and replace her because I realize I'm f****** lucky as hell regardless because idk anyone else that has 26 year old friendships with zero arguments only discussions. I I may have other female acquaintances and friends inbin my life nobody understands why I'm so bonded to her and it's because she causes minimal harm on my life. That's basically how I look at things how much harm somebody is going to cause me. I take friends feelings in consideration, and I know that I can be a handful. But once I am a friend then I am one of those people that will do

I always look at the positives and negatives of somebody and what they can bring to your life how often they help you how often they need help from you and what you can learn from them. I also want to know how I can help them better for their own lives or days. Try to approach life from a more giving then taking standpoint. I am really disappointed in someone. I did them a huge favor in order to help them and help their supposed best friend. They owed me 85$ they decided to day screw the person that asked me to help our mutual friend and decided to give all his resources to a bitch he's known less than a week
. This person has caused so much heartache and I do care about them to the other person I care a lot for. 
Ashley Rounds my aunt for example is the greatest aunt I could get. She is always there when needed and is a family girl through and through. She is comfortable in her own skin and is a true cat lover. She took my cat Claire when I had to move and idk, they were soulmates anyways I saw it whenever she came over. I love my cat very much and I can go see her anytime just had to let her go to be happy with the one that she really wants to be with and it wasn't something like they met a lot of times or so much time together it was the instant soul connection that they had together. Clair and Ashley are like soulmates on some kind of level. She can give that cat the kind of love and life that a true cat lover can and Ashley is a cat lover to the core I am a cat lover 2, but I couldn't bring her and in the end Claire is so much happier with Ashley then she was with me and that is what is important. She always post pictures of her she always thinks of her she talks about her and she is just a good person in general. She has always had health problems but works and is an absolute gem for whatever guy is lucky enough to have her. The unfortunate thing is that guys don't know what they've got until it's gone. They don't realize that the dedication that women like Ashley and myself have to give to somebody is more than they will get anywhere else guaranteed. But guys take this for granted and think that okay so we've waited around maybe three or more years but girlslikeus wake up eventually and then it's too late. When you have a kind heart like her oh, you can make a lot of difference in the world with just a smile and Ashley rounds has all those qualities. if you happen to be a guy that she's interested in don't screw it up because you will regret it and you will be crawling back and she will not take you back because she's a strong independent female who doesn't need you even if she wants you. 

By the way the pandemic is getting worse in Broome county and chenango county Raymond's corporation has now positive covetous is so Greene New York is infested. Coronavirus Binghamton is going rampid and is infesting Tioga county covidacovid numbers andcand county covid numbers. Coronawhore is my word in urbsn dictionary. Knock it off and start social distancing. What the f*** it's not like sex it's spread through air and it's not f****** funny and I can't educate people they don't believe me but this is my website so I can rant about it. I'm not doing it on a public website someone actually has to come here and care enough to read what I'm writing and I don't know who reads it because nobody tells me. Thank you Jhenna Wood for the valuable covid 19 information. Way to stay up and be a good mom on knowing the numbers! Shout out to you! 

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